Dear Brother Sam,
Why an atheist evangelist? I mean, goddamn.
Love,
Everybody
Dear Sister and Brother Y'all,
The first and most obvious reason I decided to become an (the) atheist evangelist is that evangelism is the Singleton family trade. I was raised to it. From an early age, I put into preaching such time and effort as another youngster might attend to sports or music. I studied preachers, public talkers, politicians, salesmen. All of which would’ve stood me in excellent stead for a career shaking nickels and dimes out of the trusting poor. I briefly considered it. And I hated the idea of never doing any more preaching, just because all the other preachers were shit-filled lying scumbags. So I came up with this . . . concept. Oh yeah. A helluva concept. I decided to become an atheist evangelist. That was in the early seventies.
In 2007, when Brother Sam finally got himself begat, his Creator, seeing the ascendance of celebrity atheists, figured there must be lots of atheist evangelists out there. Making shitloads of dough. Getting the good seats. What was on my mind was cashing in. I was fixing to hatch an atheist evangelist theme park/law school/cable TV empire. While burnishing the Singleton family name.
So that’s why an atheist evangelist. Well, there’s a little more to that precise choice of phraseology. Anybody waiting for Brother Sam to lead ‘em to anything is gonna keep right on a-waiting; 'cause I ain’t leading shit. So it's ironic, as I keep explaining. Sure, I wish everybody would abandon superstition and revert to the natural atheistic state into which we all are born, but I call myself an evangelist mainly because it is annoying, not only to many theists, but to exactly the atheists I wish to annoy.
Love,
Brother Sam
