Dear Brother Sam,
How do you get brainwashed young adults to open their mind (sic) and step outside the bible box? These kids are my nieces and they have been brainwashed their whole lives . . . If I even mention anything about no gawd, they cop an attitude.
Love,
Brother Frank DelNiro
Dear Brother Frank,
There was nobody outside the cave hollering in at me, saying, "Right this way! Read this! Question this!" I had to assemble my own escape mechanism out of such fragments as I could find among the trash in the cave. Given my willfulness as a youth, I might've resisted had somebody tried to talk me into atheism. (An odd turn of phrase, that.) But my keepers left the Bible right out in the open, where I could get to it. Naturally, before long, I formed it into a spade with which I made good my escape into the fresh clean air of good sense, after first smacking them upside their heads with it. Part 4 Tomorrow
Love,
Brother Sam
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Brainwashed: Part 2
Dear Brother Sam,
How do you get brainwashed young adults to open their mind (sic) and step outside the bible box? These kids are my nieces and they have been brainwashed their whole lives . . . If I even mention anything about no gawd, they cop an attitude.
Love,
Brother Frank DelNiro
Dear Brother Frank,
Come to think of it, nobody talked me into becoming an atheist. When I was a Christian there were no atheists in my life setting me an example. Nobody was encouraging me to think critically. To the contrary, most of the people in my life were dead set on my remaining in the deep dark cave of ignorance, fear, superstition, and hatred in which I was imprisoned as a child. As soon as I learned to read, I began trying to sneak out into the daylight of reason. But the very people I trusted to look out for my best interests were determined to keep me in that cave. They sure as hell were not offering me tips on how to escape. Part 3 Tomorrow
Love,
Brother Sam
How do you get brainwashed young adults to open their mind (sic) and step outside the bible box? These kids are my nieces and they have been brainwashed their whole lives . . . If I even mention anything about no gawd, they cop an attitude.
Love,
Brother Frank DelNiro
Dear Brother Frank,
Come to think of it, nobody talked me into becoming an atheist. When I was a Christian there were no atheists in my life setting me an example. Nobody was encouraging me to think critically. To the contrary, most of the people in my life were dead set on my remaining in the deep dark cave of ignorance, fear, superstition, and hatred in which I was imprisoned as a child. As soon as I learned to read, I began trying to sneak out into the daylight of reason. But the very people I trusted to look out for my best interests were determined to keep me in that cave. They sure as hell were not offering me tips on how to escape. Part 3 Tomorrow
Love,
Brother Sam
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Brainwashed
Dear Brother Sam,
How do you get brainwashed young adults to open their mind (sic) and step outside the bible box? These kids are my nieces and they have been brainwashed their whole lives . . . If I even mention anything about no gawd, they cop an attitude.
Love,
Brother Frank DelNiro
Dear Brother Frank,
PART 1
Sad to say, I don’t know how to get brainwashed young adults, or anybody else, to think for themselves. Nor have I, so far I know, ever talked a believer into becoming an atheist. A legit evangelist with a record like that would be drummed right out of the Corps of Crooks and Charlatans. But there’s no governing authority for the atheist branch of the trade, so I’m OK.
PART 2 Tomorrow
Love,
Brother Sam
How do you get brainwashed young adults to open their mind (sic) and step outside the bible box? These kids are my nieces and they have been brainwashed their whole lives . . . If I even mention anything about no gawd, they cop an attitude.
Love,
Brother Frank DelNiro
Dear Brother Frank,
PART 1
Sad to say, I don’t know how to get brainwashed young adults, or anybody else, to think for themselves. Nor have I, so far I know, ever talked a believer into becoming an atheist. A legit evangelist with a record like that would be drummed right out of the Corps of Crooks and Charlatans. But there’s no governing authority for the atheist branch of the trade, so I’m OK.
PART 2 Tomorrow
Love,
Brother Sam
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
What does it take to begin a relationship with God?
Dear Brother Sam,
What does it take to begin a relationship with God?
Love,
CCCI
Dear Sister or Brother CCCI,
Obviously, some imagination— and determination which exceeds the limits of good sense. Determination of the sort that enables one to establish an actual relationship with a creature of one’s own imagination, or, more precisely, a creature of somebody else’s imagination, re-jiggered to one own purposes. Creepy. In any case, the god of your imagination is as unique to you as are your dreams. He, she, or it, is yours alone. Your personal strain of bat-shit craziness.
The other accepted way to begin a relationship with God is through mental illness. I looked this up. Between run of the mill delusion (in which your fancy, however improbable, is at least remotely conceivable) and so-called bizarre delusion (the aforementioned bat shit strain) beginning a relationship with God tends toward the latter. Hell, it embodies bizarre delusion. Brother Richard Dawkins has already addressed godliness and delusion to Brother Sam’s satisfaction, so I’ll let it go at that. But goddamn just the same.
Love,
Brother Sam
What does it take to begin a relationship with God?
Love,
CCCI
Dear Sister or Brother CCCI,
Obviously, some imagination— and determination which exceeds the limits of good sense. Determination of the sort that enables one to establish an actual relationship with a creature of one’s own imagination, or, more precisely, a creature of somebody else’s imagination, re-jiggered to one own purposes. Creepy. In any case, the god of your imagination is as unique to you as are your dreams. He, she, or it, is yours alone. Your personal strain of bat-shit craziness.
The other accepted way to begin a relationship with God is through mental illness. I looked this up. Between run of the mill delusion (in which your fancy, however improbable, is at least remotely conceivable) and so-called bizarre delusion (the aforementioned bat shit strain) beginning a relationship with God tends toward the latter. Hell, it embodies bizarre delusion. Brother Richard Dawkins has already addressed godliness and delusion to Brother Sam’s satisfaction, so I’ll let it go at that. But goddamn just the same.
Love,
Brother Sam
Monday, July 11, 2011
Freedom of prejudice?
Dear Brother Sam,
How is freedom of religion different from freedom for prejudice?
Love,
Brother Wayne Moore
Dear Brother Wayne,
They are one and the same freedom, namely, the freedom to think whatever the human mind can conceive, which can be some low down rotten shit. And yet I favor freedom of thought, and accept that society can’t regulate the bad without regulating the rest.
The religious are indeed free to imagine themselves our--and anybody else’s--superiors. Pretty fucking hilarious, if you ask me. Some of them are prejudiced against us. That cracks Brother Sam up. I want to pat 'em on the head and hand ‘em a lollipop. Goddamn.
But we all know that their prejudice is not as benign as that. It pervades our society and culture. Prejudice against atheists constrains our ability to fully participate in civic life. I’m still ruminating on whether, or to what degree, discrimination against atheists infringes on our civil rights, in the legal sense. But there is no question that it is uncivil.
Love,
Brother Sam
How is freedom of religion different from freedom for prejudice?
Love,
Brother Wayne Moore
Dear Brother Wayne,
They are one and the same freedom, namely, the freedom to think whatever the human mind can conceive, which can be some low down rotten shit. And yet I favor freedom of thought, and accept that society can’t regulate the bad without regulating the rest.
The religious are indeed free to imagine themselves our--and anybody else’s--superiors. Pretty fucking hilarious, if you ask me. Some of them are prejudiced against us. That cracks Brother Sam up. I want to pat 'em on the head and hand ‘em a lollipop. Goddamn.
But we all know that their prejudice is not as benign as that. It pervades our society and culture. Prejudice against atheists constrains our ability to fully participate in civic life. I’m still ruminating on whether, or to what degree, discrimination against atheists infringes on our civil rights, in the legal sense. But there is no question that it is uncivil.
Love,
Brother Sam
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Brother Sam's Blue Glasses
Dear Brother Sam,
What’s with the blue lenses?
Love,
Brother Julio Rosario
Dear Brother Julio,
Brother Sam’s blue spectacles are made from a special icon-sensitive optical glass that selectively filters out crosses and steeples and all other religious imagery. And the especially devout. Which is handy when I’ve had my fill of, say, Ayman Mohammed Rabie al-Zawahiri or Michelle Bachmann. I can drive by a Catholic cemetery and see nothing but a nice patch of plastic flowers. And the entire Vatican might as well not even exist. Same with Salt Lake City. The last time I was there I accidentally sideswiped this elder on a bicycle and he called me something in Mormon and it didn’t sound like “sport,” either.
Love,
Brother Sam
What’s with the blue lenses?
Love,
Brother Julio Rosario
Dear Brother Julio,
Brother Sam’s blue spectacles are made from a special icon-sensitive optical glass that selectively filters out crosses and steeples and all other religious imagery. And the especially devout. Which is handy when I’ve had my fill of, say, Ayman Mohammed Rabie al-Zawahiri or Michelle Bachmann. I can drive by a Catholic cemetery and see nothing but a nice patch of plastic flowers. And the entire Vatican might as well not even exist. Same with Salt Lake City. The last time I was there I accidentally sideswiped this elder on a bicycle and he called me something in Mormon and it didn’t sound like “sport,” either.
Love,
Brother Sam
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Born Again
Dear Brother Sam,
What does it mean to be born again?
Love,
god.com
Dear Sister or Brother god.com,
Complicated, unnecessary, expensive, and possibly illegal surgery.
Love,
Brother Sam
What does it mean to be born again?
Love,
god.com
Dear Sister or Brother god.com,
Complicated, unnecessary, expensive, and possibly illegal surgery.
Love,
Brother Sam
Thursday, July 7, 2011
How has the world treated BS thus far?
Dear Brother Sam,
How has the world treated BS thus far?Love,
Brother Jeremy Shaw
Dear Brother Jeremy,
One thing about Brother Sam: I despise a complainer. Why, if’s one thing Brother Sam cannot abide, it’s somebody always moaning about all the horrible shit that’s always happening to 'em. One day it’s, “Oh! My wife fell out of a tree and broke all her bones!” Another day it’s, “Oh! The Unholy Roller blew up and left us stranded in the middle of dogforsaken Wisconsin some fucking place on a Sunday.” Then it’s, “Oh! My computer crashed and took all my shit with it.” And, “Oh! Somebody broke into the the Unholy Roller and made off with all our money and credit cards and electronics.” I despise anybody who’ll do that. Goddamn. So, in answer to your question, Good. You?Love,
Brother Sam
How were you able to rise above your upbringing when most cannot?
Dear Brother Sam,
Millions of Americans were raised in the same religious funnymentalism as were you, and almost all are still hopelessly mired there. How were you able to rise above your upbringing when most cannot?
Love,
Brother John Eli Shuey
Dear Brother John Eli,
I have often wondered that myself. When I was younger I just chalked it up to being smarter than all my believing kin and friends. For awhile I thought it was because I was morally superior. Neither conceit panned out over time.
The sheer number of stupid moves and questionable decisions on my part disabused me of any notion of my own innate braininess, even compared to those whom I was convinced were wrong about all the most important stuff. Sure, it was possible that they were a bunch of imbeciles--OK, it appeared damned likely--but, I wasn’t so hot my damn self.
As for my being some kind of moral or ethical paragon, if I was honest, I had to admit that I was no more or less inclined to act in my narrow self interest than I was before I figured out that there was no god to punish my bad acts or reward my good ones.
It turned out that reversion to the natural atheistic state into which I was born was not about how smart I was, or how good. If it grew out of any personal attribute, that would be simple curiosity. First, I questioned. Then I learned to read.
And, by and by, my folks said I was getting too big for my britches. What I was getting too big for was God. By the time I read the entire Bible, I was still growing-- and God was down to nothing.
As for why so few others, those as smart or as good as I, revert, I can’t say. Maybe they’re incurious. Maybe they’re simply obstinate, willfully neglecting to question the questionable. And though I do not, cannot, believe in God or gods, I do believe in the power of the godly, most all of them, to redeem themselves.
Love,
Brother Sam
Millions of Americans were raised in the same religious funnymentalism as were you, and almost all are still hopelessly mired there. How were you able to rise above your upbringing when most cannot?
Love,
Brother John Eli Shuey
Dear Brother John Eli,
I have often wondered that myself. When I was younger I just chalked it up to being smarter than all my believing kin and friends. For awhile I thought it was because I was morally superior. Neither conceit panned out over time.
The sheer number of stupid moves and questionable decisions on my part disabused me of any notion of my own innate braininess, even compared to those whom I was convinced were wrong about all the most important stuff. Sure, it was possible that they were a bunch of imbeciles--OK, it appeared damned likely--but, I wasn’t so hot my damn self.
As for my being some kind of moral or ethical paragon, if I was honest, I had to admit that I was no more or less inclined to act in my narrow self interest than I was before I figured out that there was no god to punish my bad acts or reward my good ones.
It turned out that reversion to the natural atheistic state into which I was born was not about how smart I was, or how good. If it grew out of any personal attribute, that would be simple curiosity. First, I questioned. Then I learned to read.
And, by and by, my folks said I was getting too big for my britches. What I was getting too big for was God. By the time I read the entire Bible, I was still growing-- and God was down to nothing.
As for why so few others, those as smart or as good as I, revert, I can’t say. Maybe they’re incurious. Maybe they’re simply obstinate, willfully neglecting to question the questionable. And though I do not, cannot, believe in God or gods, I do believe in the power of the godly, most all of them, to redeem themselves.
Love,
Brother Sam
American Atheists Flying Banners
Dear Brother Sam,
So what did you think of the American Atheists flying banners?
Love,
Brother Julio Rosario
Dear Brother Julio,
Brother Sam is a fool for making a statement, so I approve on principle of waving shit in theists' faces. Plus, it was funny. However, for that amount of dough the AA coulda got Brother Sam to parachute entirely nude, save for my blue vest and glasses, waving a red "There is no God you fucking idiots" banner, smack into the middle of the Michelle Bachmann/Newt Gingrich 4th of July Parade in Clear Lake, Iowa. Goddamn. Next time Brother Blair and Brother David, and the rest of my AA sistren and brethren, think about doing something . . . aeronautic, I hope they'll look up to the sky and picture Brother Sam floating down, waving that banner, in the nude, except for the vest and glasses, like I say, and think how the AA could make that image a reality for a lousy twenty thousand bucks. And I can guarantee that it'll be an image that'll flat stick in peoples' minds. July 4, 2012?
Love,
Brother Sam
So what did you think of the American Atheists flying banners?
Love,
Brother Julio Rosario
Dear Brother Julio,
Brother Sam is a fool for making a statement, so I approve on principle of waving shit in theists' faces. Plus, it was funny. However, for that amount of dough the AA coulda got Brother Sam to parachute entirely nude, save for my blue vest and glasses, waving a red "There is no God you fucking idiots" banner, smack into the middle of the Michelle Bachmann/Newt Gingrich 4th of July Parade in Clear Lake, Iowa. Goddamn. Next time Brother Blair and Brother David, and the rest of my AA sistren and brethren, think about doing something . . . aeronautic, I hope they'll look up to the sky and picture Brother Sam floating down, waving that banner, in the nude, except for the vest and glasses, like I say, and think how the AA could make that image a reality for a lousy twenty thousand bucks. And I can guarantee that it'll be an image that'll flat stick in peoples' minds. July 4, 2012?
Love,
Brother Sam
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